As an official representative of the Concept of Terror, I am extending an offer to negotiate a peace in the “War on Terror”. Of course, your surrender will have to be unconditional. As you may have noticed, the “War on Terror” only creates more fear and uncertainty abroad and domestically. We can only express our gratitude for the terror you have brought to your citizens on our behalf. As the War stands, we are willing to accept your unconditional surrender as soon as it is offered. We are also willing to propose the suspension of our most heinous weapons of fear in exchange for the suspension of your most heinous weapons of destruction. Namely we will end FOX News and the use of “wiretapping” in the United States in exchange for the termination of air strikes by unmanned drones on American citizens abroad.
As terms of your unconditional surrender, we propose:
- The deescalation of weapons of “defense”
- Extreme cuts in the budget for “defense” (Savings to be used in educating your young people)
- The immediate withdraw of occupying troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, etc.
- The banning of the term “war on terror” from political rhetoric
- A constitutional amendment forbidding declaring war on a concept
- The trial of top officials for war crimes, for the authorization of torture
- Amendments codifying the illegality of wiretapping and spying on citizens
- A limit on military spending to 10% of GDP
- Abide by the Geneva Convention.
- Try prisoners in civilian courts
- Close all overseas prisons
- resume negotiations with “terrorists”
- Join the ICC
- Habeas corpus
Thank you Mr. President, we look forward to your surrender.
Secretary of Foreign Affairs, Concept of Terror